Start With Heart
The first thing that degrades during a crucial conversation is not our behavior (that comes second), but our motive.
To be successful, stay focused, Start With Heart. Admit that you are the person you should be trying to improve.
- Ask yourself "What do I really want? What do I really want for myself, for others, for the relationship?" Do you want to control and bully, or do you want to establish and maintain a relationship of trust and mutual cooperation? Then make sure your behavior reflects the good things you really want in your heart of hearts.
- Refuse the Sucker's Choice. Don't fall for the trap of trying to choose between being candid or kind, honest or loyal. Move from "or" thinking to "and" thinking. Decide what you want to achieve and what you want to avoid, then ask yourself "How can I achieve _____ and avoid ______?"
The Silence to Violence Continuum
Many of us tend to toggle back and forth. As we try to deal with crucial conversations, we toggle between two ends of an unproductive continuum. We hold things inside by going silent until we can tolerate it no longer – then we drop a bomb. We may not become physically violent, but we do say things that attack the ideas and feelings of the other person. In other words, we "do violence" to the relationship.
The Crucial Conversations Dialogue Skills
Start With Heart > Learn To Look > Make It Safe > Master My Stories > STATE My Path > Explore Others Paths > Move To Action